I wish that I would have been writing down all the amazing things that the Lord has blessed me with over this last year. I can see even through the wrestling of transition to this city just how much the Lord loves me, how he draws me nearer, how he provides for me just what I need as I need it, and how he surprises me with gifts of wonderment and awe in the ministry he has allowed me to be a part of.
Winnipeg overall has been...wonderful. I have met some of the greatest people while living here; from all over the world, and He has allowed me to participate in the ministry of sharing the good news with a great deal of them, and some of them became my best friends.
And I love my church; I love the ministry that I am a part of there among my peers, and I love the friends that the Lord has blessed me with. I have loved being so near my family and seeing them everyday, and the gatherings that we have. I have loved the blessings that the Lord has given me, I am grateful for it all. I am rich with blessing.
I find that I am once again in a sort of transition...as I prepare now to move to be a part of the ministry in Spain. I reflect on life here, and realize that it's some kind of wonderful. More importantly though, its being in the Lords will that is the greatest blessing and makes life worth breathing. Waking up in a nearness to the Lord, and clinging to the identity that the psalmist clung to when he said:
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
_ Psalm 75:25-26
Whether I live in Winnipeg or somewhere in Spain, the important thing is that I am committed to the lordship of Christ in my life and that I am where he is leading me. Its most important that I be obedient; if he calls me to Spain -even though it might be lonely or challenging- it will be the most fulfilling, because the Lord is in it.
But don't get me wrong...Im not saying there is no struggle in Winnipeg nor will there be in Spain simply because there is fulfilment. Struggle and fulfillment can co-exist. I know there are great struggles here and will be in Spain just the same; however the balance between struggle and fulfillment is outweighed with that stirring in my heart to know and grow in the Lord and my faith and devotion to Him. And even more greatly outweighed when I observe his faithfulness and love for me. It's in knowing that I will never bear my struggles alone; that he is in the midst of it all -and I have always been a strong supporter of the idea that you can go through nearly any trial or challenge as long as you have at least one other person with you, mine is Jesus.
Here in Winnipeg, each day has its own richness, but also its own struggle. The struggle is sometimes from outward circumstances and sometimes a struggle that comes from within. Sometimes for me, its wrestling with the insecurity of who my real friends are, or a desire to settle down, or to live with greater meaning and purpose. Sometimes my struggle is finding God or even not wanting to...sometimes its a lack of discipline or falling into temptation. Sometimes its conflict, or the imperfections of family, or finances. Sometimes its relationships, or holiness, or trying to discern the Lords voice in my everyday life. But even in all the emotion and struggle, he remains faithful to his promises. He is always there for me. Leading me, teaching me, loving me, disciplining me, growing me and using me.
The story that he has written me into, is rich. I have great testimonies of his glory and of his grace for a broken world. I can walk ahead in confidence in the transitions ahead of me because he has been faithful in bringing me through transitions in the past- and trusting and depending on the Lord is sweet.
I sign off on the last notes that I listen to from hillsong as the night approaches into the early morning. Hopefully the next time my heart is stirred is the middle of the day... Good night. <3
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