Feeling the Transition

It is the strangest feeling in the world! As though I am already gone...I wrestle with connecting with this world in Winnipeg and every world I visit because it seems like I am forever saying goodbye. I have been on the road on and off  now since June 8th and its not about to end until August 25th, with only a short few weeks then till I am saying my BIG FAREWELL to leave to Spain....And I don't wish it to stretch out, I wish it to come quicker because I know that this hazy feeling I'm in will only linger now until I reach my next destination...my next transition, into a world I do not know....into Spain.

I am so very excited for all that is ahead, and I am so very excited for all that is here too...but its the transition...the dreadful transition that brings tears to my eyes, the transition out of Canada and the anticipated transition into Spain; and the loneliness of so desperately waiting for it all to feel normal again.

Strangely to me transition always feels like this; and it doens't matter if Im coming or going...It's like when you meet a friend for the first time, and you think they are really cool but its super awkward to hang out at first. And you get those lingering awkward silences not knowing what else you can possibly say to fill dead space, and you begin to long for the time when it will simply be comfortable to sit in each others silence, but for the moment, its uncomfortable and still dependent on simply time spent together in many awkward silences before you will rest in a comfortable moment of simply living. And the moment will hit you without you even realizing it. You don't realize when you are out of the transition because it happens so subtlely and naturally, you just feel as though it was always normal feeling and you totally forget the slow and awkward beginning....perhaps its only me who finds transitions this uncomfortable.

So here I am, I simply have left my bags packed since June waiting for the next departure, and desperately trying to still live in today. Perhaps this gets easier...but for now I feel like I am forever saying goodbye every time I repack my bag and journey out to another destination.
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Early in the morning I will hit a long road to Calgary again, and I do anticipate the drive to be great; some time to pray, sing, listen to my audio bible and reflect on everything that I have been soaking in.

The LORD is GREAT, and is my refuge and strength. I will press into Him in this transition, and I know that he has seen my tears and also my joy though each step of the way. I trust Him. But for now, I simply cannot wait till I am settled and once again feel grounded and normal, out of such transition.